Seven Wonderful, Terrible Years

From the desk of Lois Trever-Basten:

In late 1991 my husband died after a long illness.  He was strangely surprised that I "took such good care of him," but I thought after fifty years of keeping our wedding vows to "love and to cherish" each other "until death us do part," that no other course was to be considered.

He had said his goodbyes to Janet's children, grandson Andy and granddaughter Sarah, together the light of his life.

At the moment of his death Janet had finished packing all her worldly goods in a van, ready to start driving from Fort Collins, Colorado, to our home of almost 50 years in Arlington Heights, Illinois.  As always she was very helpful in arranging a warm memorial service and a blustery, rainy burial service.

Janet and I had some important health decisions to make.  She needed to find new good doctors to take over treatment of a mysterious lump in her jaw, and I too picked an eye surgeon to replace my defective eye corneas so that I could drive well again.  My short trips to the hospital had been fraught with danger of going over curbs and rocks, several of which I had actually already done.  I had my first eye surgery very soon.  Janet found a wonderful doctor for herself, Dr. George Sisson, to be her physician, surgeon, friend and partner.

In the week following Art's death there was a stunning electrical storm which darkened our lights and disabled most of our electrical household appliances.  We spent a lot of time taking the microwave over, televisions, toaster, everything but the computer (which fortunately had not arrived yet) to various repair shops.  All of theme were very difficult to find.  We felt that we were traveling, like Joe Btfsplk, of cartoon fame, under unending showers, trying to keep dry under a tiny umbrella, while all around us were enjoying sunny weather.

The time came for Janet's first surgery on that lump called the parotid gland.  A good sized group was with me including a young lady minister and friend, a soon-to-be minister Tom Barth, the long time friend of Janet's from 3rd grade, Sue Culliton, who about that time promised Janet to take her to all future medical appointments.  Sue was destined to wear out her good car taking Janet to Northwestern Hospital, Rush, Presbyterian, St. Luke's Hospital, University of Illinois Hospital, University of Chicago Hospital, the Neutron Radiation location in Batavia.  What a promise, Sue, and how you have honored it!

During many of these surgeries and medical visits as well as the follow-ups, I have remembered Meryl Tullis' advise to look up, way up, before the torrents of tears can take over.  Between Janet's friends and mine and my wonderful church, our families and neighbors, we have never felt abandoned.  Instead we have had great support all along.

Text: Lois Trever-Basten "Seven Wonderful, Terrible Years"
Images: Joe Bflstck images captured from a great blog entry http://www.ronmartin.net/blog/archives/1312
and
http://rexwordpuzzle.blogspot.com/2010/12/joe-btfsplks-creator-fri-12-17-10.html
originally drawn for Andy Capp comic by Reg Smythe who died of cancer in 1998

Chapter 2: Sink or Swim

Mom's chapter 2 is similar to Loie's chapter in section one.  It is long and has several themes critical to the rest of her book.  I'd like to break her "Childhood and Adolescence: Not for Sissies" chapter into a few entries, then post an unabridged version later this week (okay, by Christmas for sure).

Chapter 1: Round One-Neuroblastoma 1949

Loie with her light and life on her shoulders.

Blog's are curious things- I'm not sure how much one is willing to read.  So in this precious space I need to convince you to read Loie's chapter in full.  Here is why:

• Advocacy has come a LONG way  Loie's account provides the historical context of cancer in 1949 from the diagnosis of neuroblastoma, to surgery, radiation and follow up.  For example, Loie is told she can not tell her daughter she lost the eye FOR A WHOLE YEAR!!!!  They also had to promise they would not tell family or friends that it was removed. 
• Doctor-patient relationship  This critical relationship starts for mom at age 5 and is a reoccuring theme until Dr. Sisson in 1999.  House calls aside, Loie recounts visiting Dr. Stephen's at HIS bedside, he near death with blood poisoning.  He observes mom's own surgery in a wheelchair, and his wife is there. 
• Coping  All her life Loie coped with guilt and grieving.  A lot of early stress was due to hospitals as an institution.  For example, parents then were not allowed because, "[t]he nurses could not deal with the children's tears if they said goodbye to the parents each day." 
• Childhood friends  One of her homecoming presents was a double sized bed so she could have sleepovers.  Overnights must have felt a long way off when they brought their fragile child home with a shaved and bandaged head. 
• Radiation treatment in 1949 (just typing it makes me shudder) The chapter ends with mom's radiation treatment.  Loie is allowed to go in the x-ray room with mom, both with lead aprons on.  She read to mom as she lay on the table.
• The "C" word  Loie describes cancer as "a frightening thing from which almost no one at that time recovered."  The family physicians reaction to mom's terminal label offers Loie hope that sustained over 50 years.
• Cost of care  The surgeon's estimates of $10,000 to remove the cancer cells fill Loie's heart with dread.  The bill arrives for only $250.  "If I could I would have kissed his feet."  Loie sent Christmas cards every year to the surgeon, and unbelievably he would always answer with thanks.
• Proverbial when it rains, it pours  Adding to a year of heartache, both of mom's grandfathers die in 1949 after the surgery.  The whole family must have felt stunned.  Sadly I understand; we lost mom and Loie both to cancer in 1999.

All these themes are set up in Loie's text and re-occur throughout mom's book.  (yes, the scan is sideways but just print it or download and rotate it, a thousand pardons).