Happy Birthday Jan Jan

My present sucks a little less this year (see first post).  I couldn't imagine a better gift this past year than getting to know you better and keeping you a dynamic part of my life. 

I imagine you still up in the ballroom with Yul, and Tullis, and Virginia, and Baba...all dancing while John Denver sings.

Strawberry Story: Do not stand at my grave and weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there I do not sleep

Do not stand at my grave and mourn

I am not there I have been born

I am the four strong winds that blow

I am the diamond glint on snow

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there I do not sleep

Do not stand at my grave and mourn

I am not there I have been born

I am the sunlight on ripened grain

I am the gentle autumn rain

When you wake in the morning hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight

I am the soft starlight at night

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there I do not sleep

Do not stand at my grave and mourn

I am not there I have been born

I LOVE this poem.  I first learned it as a song in Silver and Burgundy Singers at Blevins Junior High.  I heard it again at Virginia Satir's memorial in Crested Butte in 1988 (photo above is from her balloon releasing in 1987 one year earlier from http://satirtraining.org/training/general_information).  And of course I think of it every time I see a diamond glint on snow or need my own morning uplifting rush.

Authorship of the poem is an interesting divergent story.  Read website of authorship debated for more information.

Strawberry Story: Goals for Me

Look familiar?  This poster has been, and is, a staple of therapists doors since the seventies.  Some people grew up with Peter Rabbit, Winnie the Pooh, or Holly Hobbie on their walls.  I got Virginia Satir.  It worked though, this poster formed the foundation of my relationships during formative years and is still my litmus test for friendship today.

Goals for Me

I want to love you without clutching,
appreciate you without judging, join you without invading,
invite you without demanding, leave you without guilt,
criticize you without blaming, and help you without insulting.
If I can have the same from you,
then we can truly meet and enrich each other.

-Virginia Satir

Chapter 3: I'M A SWAN!

Mom begins chapter 3 saying she always listened carefully when anyone talked about swans.  She loved Hans Christian Anderson's story of the Ugly Duckling, but also references a fairytale of a different sort:

A Hindu story says that swans, as represented in the order of Saraswati, represents the priceless skill of discrimination and discernment.  Supposedly a swan is able to drink in fluid but spit out the water while swallowing the milk that was in the mixture.  It reminds me of Virginia Satir's advice to "taste everything, but swallow only that which fits you."

Chapter 2: Sink or Swim

Mom's chapter 2 is similar to Loie's chapter in section one.  It is long and has several themes critical to the rest of her book.  I'd like to break her "Childhood and Adolescence: Not for Sissies" chapter into a few entries, then post an unabridged version later this week (okay, by Christmas for sure).

Happy Birthday Jan Jan!

Forgive me mother, for I am lame.

Mom in the Philippines circa 1978.

Over 10 years ago my mother passed away after a 50 year long relationship with cancer.  January 15, 1999 to be precise.  It was her dying wish that her memoir/resource book be published.  Her book was titled A Beautiful Burden: Surviving Cancer Across a Lifetime.  She cared deeply about health and wellness of cancer survivors, as well as advocacy for those with facial differences.
Since her passing, let me be honest, I've done nothing about her book.  Sure, I sent it on to her friends who offered to edit.  I made some copies and converted files from time to time.  But really I've done nothing legitimate to get her book published.  Her book has taken on a meaning of burden all its own for me.  One she likely never intended.

Two of Janet's grandchildren Ellie and Trever with the manuscript
binder and a strawberry basket she used for inspiration while writing.

Today is her birthday, which has me thinking...you know, she never knew what the future would be like for any of us.  If she was around today, I imagine her book would be available in print.  She'd have a Facebook account to keep track of the grand kids and Tweeting with her Denver University friends.  She fancied herself a networker long before the term "Social Network" became what it is today.  Blogging would have come naturally to her.


So in honor of Janet Trever on her 67th birthday, I'd like to officially declare this blog open and welcome to receive any of her old friends, family, and bring her delightful insights, story, and resources for coping with cancer and a facially different lifestyle to a new generation.

So...TO THE BOOK!!!

I leave you with the Dedication she wrote herself:

To Virginia Satir, Lucy Meryl Tullis, and Joyce Fossen.  All three were wonderful teachers and mentors for me and have passed on from this plane of existence.  Also to Yul Brynner; I never met him before his death in 1985, but he has certainly influenced my life experience.  I like to talk to the four of them during the day as their presences watch over me.  Someday I envision they will be welcoming me to the other side...now that will really be something to write about.

Me on the left with my mom at Sun Moon Lake, Taiwan.