Happy Birthday Jan Jan

My present sucks a little less this year (see first post).  I couldn't imagine a better gift this past year than getting to know you better and keeping you a dynamic part of my life. 

I imagine you still up in the ballroom with Yul, and Tullis, and Virginia, and Baba...all dancing while John Denver sings.

Seven Wonderful, Terrible Years

From the desk of Lois Trever-Basten:

In late 1991 my husband died after a long illness.  He was strangely surprised that I "took such good care of him," but I thought after fifty years of keeping our wedding vows to "love and to cherish" each other "until death us do part," that no other course was to be considered.

He had said his goodbyes to Janet's children, grandson Andy and granddaughter Sarah, together the light of his life.

At the moment of his death Janet had finished packing all her worldly goods in a van, ready to start driving from Fort Collins, Colorado, to our home of almost 50 years in Arlington Heights, Illinois.  As always she was very helpful in arranging a warm memorial service and a blustery, rainy burial service.

Janet and I had some important health decisions to make.  She needed to find new good doctors to take over treatment of a mysterious lump in her jaw, and I too picked an eye surgeon to replace my defective eye corneas so that I could drive well again.  My short trips to the hospital had been fraught with danger of going over curbs and rocks, several of which I had actually already done.  I had my first eye surgery very soon.  Janet found a wonderful doctor for herself, Dr. George Sisson, to be her physician, surgeon, friend and partner.

In the week following Art's death there was a stunning electrical storm which darkened our lights and disabled most of our electrical household appliances.  We spent a lot of time taking the microwave over, televisions, toaster, everything but the computer (which fortunately had not arrived yet) to various repair shops.  All of theme were very difficult to find.  We felt that we were traveling, like Joe Btfsplk, of cartoon fame, under unending showers, trying to keep dry under a tiny umbrella, while all around us were enjoying sunny weather.

The time came for Janet's first surgery on that lump called the parotid gland.  A good sized group was with me including a young lady minister and friend, a soon-to-be minister Tom Barth, the long time friend of Janet's from 3rd grade, Sue Culliton, who about that time promised Janet to take her to all future medical appointments.  Sue was destined to wear out her good car taking Janet to Northwestern Hospital, Rush, Presbyterian, St. Luke's Hospital, University of Illinois Hospital, University of Chicago Hospital, the Neutron Radiation location in Batavia.  What a promise, Sue, and how you have honored it!

During many of these surgeries and medical visits as well as the follow-ups, I have remembered Meryl Tullis' advise to look up, way up, before the torrents of tears can take over.  Between Janet's friends and mine and my wonderful church, our families and neighbors, we have never felt abandoned.  Instead we have had great support all along.

Text: Lois Trever-Basten "Seven Wonderful, Terrible Years"
Images: Joe Bflstck images captured from a great blog entry http://www.ronmartin.net/blog/archives/1312
and
http://rexwordpuzzle.blogspot.com/2010/12/joe-btfsplks-creator-fri-12-17-10.html
originally drawn for Andy Capp comic by Reg Smythe who died of cancer in 1998

Look Up, Look Way Up

Photo by Arthur Nelson Trever, 1933 Chicago World's Fair.

A Divorce Followed by Breast Cancer

by

Lois Trever

Janet and her husband decided to divorce after their two years in the Philippines; it was a very painful decision.  A short time after Janet and the children returned, she called to say there was some suspicion of breast cancer.  Not long after that, she asked me to come take care of the children during her hospitalization.

There were lists on the side of the refrigerator telling me how to cope.  As always, Janet had built a large army of true friends who were ready to help.  When Janet came home, folks brought food--one big man had, himself, baked two pies.  The refrigerator and cupboards were well stocked.

It was a very pretty house, rented from a minister.  There were swings in the backward, roller skates, swimming lessons on the calendar.  Both children, especially Sarah, were eager to show me a beautiful cemetery just back of the back yard.  We three walked there several times every day.  Sarah, will of the wisp as she was, would dance and skip ahead around a corner and disappear only to be found in a little while, full length on her back on a tombstone, long blond hair draped over the stone.  Andy was more likely to be riding his two wheeler bike off on an intersecting lane.  I don't know if I am imparting the sweet but eerie circumstances as they affected me.

The time for Janet's breast surgery arrived quickly.  The children went off for a day at a friends house.  I drove to the hospital.  When Janet came back from surgery there came her wonderful friends to be sure she could faintly hear spiritual music.  They came in many numbers, each with something comforting to bring and to do.  I found myself at the door of the room and decided to go out and walk a bit in the fresh air.  As I walked tears broke through, quickly becoming an uncontrollable torrent.  I climbed into the car but then came more tears of helplessness and sorrow.  I remembered I was near the office of Janet's favorite friends Meryl Tullis, a motherly figure in Janet's life. 

Meryl came to the door, invited me in and brought coll water and soda crackers.  I felt her concern and understanding.  As the weakening sobs continued she said, "Lois, look up, look way up."  I did so and realized that my uncontrollable tears had stopped.  There is a magic made up of actual knowledge of anatomy that stops the tears and sadness when we look up, "way up," as Meryl said.  I have often used Meryl's magic to help me.

Before I returned home Janet and I had a few happy times together, including times all four of us walked or rode bicycles in the quiet cemetery, visited by no one but us.

Sarah, Janet, Andy during that terrible/wonderful year.

Odd, my own Good Year shot last month over Daytona.  Guess its in my blood.

Happy Birthday Jan Jan!

Forgive me mother, for I am lame.

Mom in the Philippines circa 1978.

Over 10 years ago my mother passed away after a 50 year long relationship with cancer.  January 15, 1999 to be precise.  It was her dying wish that her memoir/resource book be published.  Her book was titled A Beautiful Burden: Surviving Cancer Across a Lifetime.  She cared deeply about health and wellness of cancer survivors, as well as advocacy for those with facial differences.
Since her passing, let me be honest, I've done nothing about her book.  Sure, I sent it on to her friends who offered to edit.  I made some copies and converted files from time to time.  But really I've done nothing legitimate to get her book published.  Her book has taken on a meaning of burden all its own for me.  One she likely never intended.

Two of Janet's grandchildren Ellie and Trever with the manuscript
binder and a strawberry basket she used for inspiration while writing.

Today is her birthday, which has me thinking...you know, she never knew what the future would be like for any of us.  If she was around today, I imagine her book would be available in print.  She'd have a Facebook account to keep track of the grand kids and Tweeting with her Denver University friends.  She fancied herself a networker long before the term "Social Network" became what it is today.  Blogging would have come naturally to her.


So in honor of Janet Trever on her 67th birthday, I'd like to officially declare this blog open and welcome to receive any of her old friends, family, and bring her delightful insights, story, and resources for coping with cancer and a facially different lifestyle to a new generation.

So...TO THE BOOK!!!

I leave you with the Dedication she wrote herself:

To Virginia Satir, Lucy Meryl Tullis, and Joyce Fossen.  All three were wonderful teachers and mentors for me and have passed on from this plane of existence.  Also to Yul Brynner; I never met him before his death in 1985, but he has certainly influenced my life experience.  I like to talk to the four of them during the day as their presences watch over me.  Someday I envision they will be welcoming me to the other side...now that will really be something to write about.

Me on the left with my mom at Sun Moon Lake, Taiwan.